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Sunday, May 13, 2012
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Past two days were great. Shopped for food on Friday with Kenny, Andrew, Richy, Valerie, and Robert. Good stuff.
Pulled an all-nighter at the bonfire. In the mid-am’s, fell asleep amidst the blankets snuggled between Kenny and Alex. Not sure what Robert, Richy, and Danny were watching. Kenny snored…. haha.
Robert and Danny said my noodles were good. “Pretty damn good,” according to Robert.
It was Robert’s first time meeting Danny. They seemed to hit it off well.
Movies we watched included : Good Burger, Horrible Bosses, The Holy Grail, Kung Fu Hustle, and some of Thor.
Richy’s dad came out when it was past nine p.m. and asked me if I needed a blanket for my legs.
“No, thank you,” I said meekly.
“She just doesn’t want to impose,” Robert piped up from behind me.
“He knows me,” I said. Robert laughed.
“Are you being stubborn right now?” Mr. Torres asked.
“No,” I giggled.
He gave me a blanket anyway.
“Why didn’t any of you guys give her your sweater or something?” he demanded, his eyes sweeping over Kenny, Alex, and Andrew. “What the hell is wrong with you guys?!”
I felt the urge to giggle with amusement.
“I was going to give her my sweater, but I forgot to bring my shorts - “
Mr. Torres turned to Robert. “You’re lying! You were going to give up NOTHING!”
I laughed. “Thanks for the blanket.”
“It’s actually a poncho.”
“Oh, it is?” I examined it. “I didn’t realize…”
Waking up to an overcast, paper-white sky was strange. Kenny felt the whole thing was surreal…
Saturday had been a long day for me. I’d biked the eleven miles to school after eating a few bites of oatmeal, had my front tire cark it a few blocks from school, arrived late due to having to walk the thing, bulldozed through a somewhat more challenging second macroeconomics exam, took the bus home (during which Kenny called - just in time, once again - found out what happened, and offered to pick me up, udon and all) , walked over a mile to get back to my house, threw everything together, tried to look less disheveled (touched up light makeup, brushed hair, threw on different shirts), got picked up by Kenny, arrived at Richy’s at three-ish, waited for Robert and Andrew to arrive….
Andre was the first to scream when I entered the living room. “Oh, my God, is that N-G-O I see?!”
I gasped. “Is that Andre I see?”
He bounded up and embraced me. “I haven’t seen you since forever!”
I didn’t know he missed me that much, even asking why I didn’t come to his house anymore. (“You’ve only been there once!”)
Danny gave me some sort of windchime-looking thing and said, “Take the circle out.”
I tried, but to no avail. His demonstration was very slick.
Richy had mentioned to them that Andrew and I were intent on doing the cinnamon challenge, but Danny showed me a video on his phone that was supposed to make me reconsider for my own safety.
Andrew was tired for most of the evening. I talked to him for a bit.
Richy lit the bonfire with wood from his backyard. The strong fumes caused everyone to scatter to various parts of the yard for air.
“You had all that, but you chose to light this…”
“So much smoke! I’m going inside!” Alex retreated with a chuckle.
Danny gave Richy a light shove. “What is wrong with you?”
I was once again reminded that if I only just stop letting the demons in my head overcome me, reality can be pretty sweet. I’m lucky. I really am.
To be edited later… still so exhausted… had fun, though. Tremendous fun!
Robert texted me this morning… he was concerned because I seemed iffy at the mention of Mother’s Day last night. So sweet of him :’) Taking time out of his day to send me an encouraging, concerned message; a realm of his mind occupied over my well-being. I truly admire Robert J. He’s a gentleman and a swell, intelligent, good-humored person.
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Friday, April 13, 2012
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This time two years ago, I was secure around no one… except for, of course, Andrew. He was the first to hear about something remotely personal enough about me for it to count as making myself vulnerable.
It wasn’t a choice I had been hell-bent on, choosing him to be the one to glimpse me first. It just happened, over time… I suppose it has a great deal to do with how our friendship began. I had seen him under the tree, looking so lost and uncomfortable that it broke my heart. I had shielded my emotions behind a frivolous approach. He eventually understood me. I know how much he loves me, and I am grateful for that. I never expected anything back from him. But he was the one who helped reformat my communication style, helped me finally open up.
That said, immediately after my mother died, I was only able to open up completely to two other people, one of which made me regret it immensely later.
My behavior, my character, and especially the front I flex - all relate to my past. And how could I not realize how much impact something like that still yields? Of course my every insecurity stems from the dynamics between her family and us two, Mom and I. It’s the very reason I can’t open up to people. I’m afraid that I’ll be hurt again, the moment I let my guard down.
I have let people in to world, at long last.
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Sunday, March 18, 2012
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Nothing like martial arts training to ward off the cold characteristic of a stormy night. :)
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Saturday, March 17, 2012
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